Friday, June 23, 2006


i know, i know, the last y'all knew, sean had busted my ring, mark's foot was slowly healing, and i'd been knitting.

well, there are a few changes.

Sean went beyond ring bashing. We had to admit him to a local hospital, and he's there now. and yes, it's that kind of hospitalization. It's very, very hard to take your baby to the hospital, and even harder to leave him there, and beyond bearable to know that he's not coming home. we had the care consultation today, and it's been determined that the best course for him is to put him in theraputic foster care. i worked so damned hard to bring him home, and now he's gone again. i know it's not my fault, i've been told over & over & over by every professional involved in sean's & our lives that mark & i had done everything that parents should do, and that he's just beyond our level of care. tell that to my heart. tell my heart that the screaming and crying & stomping on the top of vans, and calling me nasty names (it wasn't the words that bothered me so much (i've been called worse by bigger & badder, and wasn't intimidated then) as the attitude behind them) isn't my fault. that i couldn't do more, and not sacrifice everything else. i just want my baby home.

ok, here's the tissue box. i know i need it.

mark's foot is doing very well. he's in a cami-boot (those big black ugly things that are a velcro lover's wet dream), but still has to keep much weight off of it. he has driven, but only if he's the only adult available. otherwise, he rides.

knitting has been at a minimum. i can't take my knitting in to the hospital, for obvious reasons. i haven't tried crochet yet, as it's not as soothing, and i can't lug my wheel EVERYWHERE, which would be ideal. i've finished a few hats for dulaan (go wish ryan godspeed in her healing. at least chocolate is looking attractive).

i'm just tired. i don't think i've slept a restful night's sleep in 2 or 3 weeks, and it's starting to tell. the only reason why i'm up so late tonight is the fact that my computer has been a total ass, and i've not been able to maintain connectivity for more than 10 minutes at a time, and that is spent doing valuable things like check my bank statement, and email sean's GAL (thank god for that woman, she's been our hero!). so if i don't respond to comments, that is why.

i don't do this very often, as i'm not terribly open about my spirituality, but pray for us. to whomever it is you worship. we need the help, and i don't care if it's buddah, or allah, god, yahweh, the triune goddess. please.


ambermoggie said...

my thoughts are with you, stay strong and focused. Remember you have to look after yourself also
hugs from Scotland

--Deb said...

Oh, I'm sorry....

janine said...

I'm am so sorry for your troubles. You are in my thoughts and I am thinking positive ones for you. Know that we are always here if you need a cyber shoulder to lean on

fillyjonk said...

I'm so sorry to hear all of that.

Prayers are being offered, and energy sent your way. And good thoughts for a good night's sleep - as someone who's suffered fairly regularly from insomnia, I know how awful not sleeping can be - even when there aren't any other problems to be dealt with.

Chicken Lips said...

Is your Sean autistic? The reason I asked is that my youngest son is mildly autistic, and I have only managed to keep him with me by tons and tons and tons of prayers and even more help. If you need to "vent" you can do so with me!

I have been out of town with a family emergency, but hope to get your first package this week.

Michelle said...

I'm am praying for you and Sean. I can't imagine what it is you're going through, but stay strong. Many cyber hugs coming your way.