Monday, June 20, 2005

god doesn't want me to have a vacation

my mother collapsed at church this morning. i didn't find out until 830 tonight. my stinky brother didn't keep mark's phone number, so never called me. i finally found out when mark called me and said my brother bob had called, and that Mommy was in the hospital. i had one moment where all i could think was "i CAN'T lose her now!". as if my will has anything to do with it.

she's basically ok. they're keeping her in the hospital for observation, and to do a EKG when they can fit her in. she hadn't been feeling good yesterday, when i called her to see if she wanted to go to the store, so i stopped to check on her. she seemed basically ok, just felt fugly and blech, so i went on my merry way. she still didn't feel good this morning, but went to church anyway, because it was her turn to read for bible study. her heartbeat slowed waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy down, and that is what caused her to collapse. it never stopped, or so they told us.

i wonder if this has anything to do with the major dental work she had done last monday. my mother had a heart valve replacement in 1986, and has been on bloodthinners ever since. we had to stop that for 5 days for the dental work to be done (she had 4 teeth pulled). we had a few issues with bleeding, but a second visit on monday resolved it. she said she felt fine (i called and checked on her several times on tuesday). she was fine wednesday when she watched the boys. she looked fine, other than the usual bruising she always gets when she has ANYTHING invasive done.

meanwhile, my vacation hangs in the balance. we were due to leave at 645 friday morning for portland, oregon. i don't know what to do. the tickets and beach house are already paid for. if i back out now, we lose all of it. even if we could rechange the tickets, it would cost us $100 per ticket. and the money for the beachhouse is just gone. i want to go so bad, but i don't want to leave my mother. odds are pretty good that she'll be out way before friday, but still. i may ask my stinky brother to keep her while we're gone. on top of that, i just got an email from my fucking caseworker that i need to do a ton of things before i'll be allowed to take the boys out of the state. she claims she never got the phone message i left a month ago, when i got the plane tickets arranged. i don't know what to do, but i'm sitting here bawling as i type.

everybody else is in bed. i can't talk to anyone.


TitaniumRose said...

Oh honey, hang in there. If there is *anything* I can do to help, you let me know. If anyone needs a vacation right now it's you.

anne said...

You have four days - you can get the stupid paperwork done, and assess your mom as the situation warrents.

You'll know in your heart what to do, but it sounds as if your mom was doing a bit too much. It's a rotton place to be in (should I go have fun, or stay and be dutiful, and who is helped, and what does "dutiful" really mean...) I've been there, it's a rough place.

Good luck with all of it - my gut feeling is that it will work out the way you'd like (getting away, time at the beach) but you'll have to put in your extra karma time this week to make it happen. Oy. I'm with you!

--Deb said...

It's awful that you didn't hear until so late--ridiculous!--but thank heaven that she seems to be okay. It'll work out . . . maybe God just wants you to REALLY appreciate that vacation!

Lanea said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I hope she heals quickly. And I hope you get your time at the beach--it's so important to rest yourself so you can help the ones you love.