Monday, April 17, 2006

my immortal

this is my g post.

my boys are rockers, as am i. however, one of sean's favorite songs is my immortal, by evanescence. they decided to play that cd tonight, and as i listened to it, i could hear sean sing along, word for word, in that beautiful soprano that only an 11 year old boy can sing. as only he can sing, as he's lived every word.

2 years ago, i feared for his sanity. the boys had been placed in foster care with their aunt & uncle, against my wishes, 2 years before that, and then, as suddenly as they arrived there, they left. however, there was lasting damage, particularly for sean. he had been told that if he came to live with me again, and not with his aunt & uncle, that he would die when the final reckoning came, because i had chosen not to be of their religion as i once had. a nine year old boy. understandably, he was torn. life everlasting (as they had shown him), or be with the woman who gave birth to him, and had fought for 2 years to get him home. and as fragile as he was already, this tore him to pieces. he didn't threaten suicide in this time period, but there were visits where he'd scream and cry and try to break things, and say the evilest things (never to me, though, always directed at "those in power"). to watch this from my baby, who had always been sweet, even when he was trying, almost broke my heart.

this is when my immortal came out. "when you'd cry, i'd wipe away all of your tears." i did. "when you'd scream, i'd fight away all of your fears." i did. "but you still had all of me." and he did and does. and it was a long, hard fought battle, and to this day, we fight the good fight. but, he said something the other day, to his sister who has chosen that religion, that i thought was a very brave thing to say: "i'm not (such & such religion) any more. i'm a christian." he doesn't believe he's going to die, anymore.

and it took GUTS.

(ok, now who needs a tissue, i've used up my box!)


mamaloo said...

Good for Sean. It must be doubly gratifying to hear him make up his own mind and stand up for his own personal beliefs. And, he can do that because you gave him enough love and security to be able to think for himself. Good job.

Trixie said...

I agree with mamaloo!

(but hand me the tissues too)

janine said...

Good for him ! Perhaps he should be your H as well (he sounds like quite a hero)

Alcariel said...

My wheel's here baby!!! It's all together, but I've just got one question for you and Jen. Where the heck do I tie the leader yarn on at? Is it around the bobbin or what? And what do I use for the leader yarn? Just something out of the stash? Let me know!

Alcariel said...

Me again. I tied some acrylic to the center part of the bobbin, but it doesn't work. That part just keeps going around and around with every turn of the flyer instead of winding onto the bobbin. I hope that you're there tonight because I need some help!!!